October 23th, 2013.

My Dad died.  

October 11th, 2013

He turned 80.  Happy birthday, Dad !  You made it 80 as you wish.

August 2013

We rushed Dad to hospital.  

His condition was in terminal stadium, doctor said, after examined him.  What we could do was only to maintain his quality of life but not prolonged his life expectation.  Dear God !

Sometimes late 2012

Dad complained about his head and legs.  He felt his legs was "hot" in certain parts.  He had on-off headache.  Generic painkillers didn't help him much.  We did not take it seriously (Guilty !  Guilty !  Guilty !) as we understands that old people usually feels strange about their own body, don't they ?

***

When somebody whom close to you -friends or family- got cancer then you are starting to realize that cancer is existed !

What people don't know that cancer is like a thief.  They stolen people you loved.  Now you still hang around with them, without realize, and next time you know -those people who means a lot for you- is gone.

For my father's case, doctor suspected it started from when he had problem with his prostate which he had them removed in the beginning 2012.  Probably the surgery triggered the cells becoming more aggressive ever since.  Whether it's right or wrong, only God knows.  

After surgery, my Dad regain his healthy.  Everything looked normal, he performed regular check-up as doctor's suggested.  Until June 2013, doctor requested him to have MRI after she -the doctor is female- analyzed my Dad's regular check-up report.  She found something strange on the report.  And when the result came out, our world was shaking.  

His pains, is our tears.  The more his put smile over his pain, the more it breaks our heart.  What hurting us more was, we could only see how cancer tortured him slowly by slowly, part by part. There is nothing we can do to relieve his pain or even just to reduce it.  Helpless is the most hurting part for us, his kids

It took only 3 weeks since he can't move his leg , up to his stomach until it reached his lungs and made him can't breath well.  When the cells reached the lungs, the cell ruined it, torn into peaces.  As human's lungs is made like membrane, when it torn, it change like a nasal mucus.

The doctor refused to give estimation how long my Dad could survive because according to medical analysis, he should have been long gone before.  Miracle does happen, sometimes.  But  I guess, what made him stay was because his believes that he could get over his illness.  His hope made him alive, longer than doctor's estimation.

But it wasn't longer than we expected.  Later on, Dad realized his illness couldn't be cured.  The moment he gave up, was the moment of accepting reality.

Crying does not help us much.  No matters how much tears we put, we can not prolonged his life. It was a time when God does want not listen to our prayers.  God loves him more, instead.  

Until now, I couldn't bear seeing pictures of Dad, specially our last pictures.  We took lots of pictures while he was in hospital.  

That's why I posted this note.  Hope by sharing this story able to release my painful.  I have lost my loved ones because of this silent killer.

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